Why can't you make yourself look more respectable?

Has anyone ever said that to you? Your Mum, your wife, your best friend?

We all know what they mean but the connotations of that idea are profoundly mistaken. It all depends on what we mean by respect and how it comes about.

There is much advice on how to be "respectable" and most will start off by showing that without self-respect, no-one will think you are respectable. To achieve that self-respect they will advise you not to base your sense of self-worth on how others feel about you and point out that people with low self-esteem and little self-respect often band together and create a negative society. They will also point out the benefits of volunteering, eating healthily, exercise etc. etc.

They then go on to say that once one has gained self-respect, gaining the respect of others is achieved by a set of ideas that include treating everyone with kindness and dignity, acting with integrity, coping with stress in a cool, calm manner, to laugh, be helpful, etc. etc.

Nowhere have they said that you should dress to suit other people, indeed they advise that to achieve the prerequisite of self-respect one should not base one's sense of self-worth on how other people think about you. There is a circular argument here, being "respectable" is being concerned with what other people think about you, the very goal of the exercise, but self-respect should not depend on that. Should one only act, dress, speak etc. only to achieve the approbation of others? Is their collective opinion of you the measure of what defines you as a person?

To me, that is daft. I am what I am whether I am "all poshed up", dressed  in scruffy work clothes or nude. The value judgement of my respectability does not depend on how I am dressed, it depends on how I act. So if I scrub-up, put on some freshly pressed trousers, a good shirt and sober tie, will I be respectable? Only in the eyes of those who cannot see past the superficial. Hitler wore a suit.